Tuesday, August 26, 2008

fay + family = fun

my sisters and i decided that since fay missed us when she came through our neck of the woods that we would drive north for the weekend so we could enjoy her. well, that and it was our baby brother/s birthday. so we went to tallahassee for the weekend. the power went out while we were there, but we had a blast anyway. we went bowling on saturday afternoon. check out our beautiful bowling form. we rock. i won the first game, was right in the middle in the second, and totally lost the third.

but despite the power being out at andy/s house and going out at the restaurant while we were eating, despite that it was hot and sticky and dark, despite that half of tallahassee was underwater and we had to drive through huge puddles and get the bottoms of our pants wet every time we got out of the car, despite that we decided to count the suicidal frogs that jumped into, at, or under our car on the long drive there and got into double-digits, and despite the fact that the car will NEVER smell the same again - we had a good time.

Friday, August 22, 2008


i have a babygirl. she/s awesome. she is by far the bestest best thing that ever happened to me. and she/s my little princess. which, by rights, makes me queen. woohoo!!! i always wanted to be queen. well, at least i always wanted to be bossy and make people bow to my every whim. rock on!!
my little princess was born 1*5*07 and, as is prone to happen, has grown since then. so here/s a short pictorial of her life thus far.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


last night i had a funky dream. i dreamed my boyfriend came home from prison but was shot and killed before i was allowed to see him. my mom went with me to his funeral. we stayed in a hotel that was more like a super-tall treehouse. we were sitting at the top of the stairs together talking when i realized just how high up we were. i am deathly afraid of heights, and looking down at the tops of the trees far below us had me rooted in fear. about the same time i decided i couldn/t move, my momma noticed this scary white-furred monster man coming up the stairs toward us. she/s grabbing at my arm and screaming for me to get into the hotel room, but i couldn/t will my legs to stand on the wood deck of the balcony so high up. i gather my senses and crawl to my hotel room and get the door closed just as the moster crashes against it. i lean into it and use my foot to help keep it blocked and closed and the monster bangs on it from the outside. he quickly gives up and walks away, only to return several minutes later with a vacuum cleaner. he then proceeds to talk through the door and tell me all the wonderful gadgets and attachments the vaccum has, and tries to get me to open the door so he can demonstrate how well it vacuums up his white hairballs from the thick carpet. i pull my cell phone from my pocket and call 9/1/1. then my alarm went off and i woke up. at first i was extremely sad over the loss of my boyfriend and extremely scared of the monster. it took me all of about three minutes to proceed to laugh out loud at the thought of some huge white-haired monster trying to trick me into opening the door for him by selling me a vacuum. sometimes dreams rock.

Friday, August 15, 2008


i love demetri martin. he rocks. and makes me lol (or lqtm). so here are some of my favorite demetriisms.

i got some new pajamas with pockets in them. which is great because before that i used to have to hold stuff when i slept. but now i/m like “where/s my planner? there it is. keep sleeping.” all right. perfect.

i was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. and that/s when i realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. and a crushed fly is a lot like a bluberry. and a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

when you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

i went into a clothing store and the lady asked me what size i was. i said ‘actual’.

‘sort of’ is such a harmless thing to say. sort of. it/s just a filler. sort of - it doesn/t really mean anything. but after certain things, sort of means everything. like after “i love you” or “you/re going to live” or “it/s a boy”.

i like the beach. i like to get there really early before everyone else shows up and take like thirty bottles with notes in them and throw them into the water. then i wait for everyone to come to the beach and when someone goes to pick up one of the bottles, i go up behind them because when they open it there/s a note saying ‘i/m standing right behind you’.

when someone types in their pin i yell ‘got it’ and then run away.

graffiti/s the most passionate literature there is. it/s always like ‘bush sucks!’ or ‘u2 rocks!’. i want to make indifferent graffiti. ‘toy story 2 was okay.’ ‘i like sheryl as a friend, but i/m not sure about taking things further.’

a mobile home with a flat tire is a home.

if i ever saw an amputee getting hanged, i/d probably just start calling out letters.

‘cotton balls’ is an example of something i would buy but not want to have as a nickname. ‘cinnamon buns’, on the other hand, is something i would buy and want to have as a nickname. ‘are you cinnamon buns?’ ‘you bet your sweet ass i am’.

glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

hiking is just walking where it/s okay to pee. sometimes old people hike on accident.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


there is nothing really going on. but, that means things could be worse. it could still be last week when everyday i thought to myself that things could not possibly get worse, and everyday something happened to prove that having that thought yesterday was false. so sometimes nothing is just dandy.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

can you live w/o knowing this???

so. i/m trying to think of something to write about and i think i/m full of useless information, so how about if i/m sharing it all with you. but when i get to trying to write it all, it turns out i/m not so full of useless information to be able to pull it out of my brain on demand. if someone says something about something my useless tidbits spew from my mouth like so much air, but demanding it has proven fruitless. so i googled 'useless stuff' and figured that would work just as well. as i was reading i began to wonder who does the experiments or tests their ideas or even comes up with the ideas in the first place to know some of this stuff i found online???
for example, i learned that a duck’s quack doesn’t echo. who wakes up in the morning and thinks ‘today i/m going to figure out what animal noises don/t echo’??? i learned that porcupines float. and again i/m asking myself, who wakes up thinking ‘let’s throw a bunch of animals in the water and see what floats and what sinks’??? a snail can sleep for three years. did someone drug the poor guy to get him to sleep that long??? does he die when he hits the 1096th day??? an ant will always fall to its right side when its intoxicated. AN ANT WILL ALWAYS FALL TO ITS RIGHT SIDE WHEN INTOXICATED??? seriously, we/re back to who in the world decides to get insects drunk and then study the way they stagger??? polar bears are left handed. so when they/re writing out the check to pay for the electric bill. . . and better make sure there’s plenty of left-handed scissors in the arctic for arts & craft days for the young’ns. the stairwells in a fire station are circular so the horses that pulled the trucks back in the day couldn’t use them. (that one at least makes sense) nutmeg is poisonous if injected intravenously. and my favorite useless fact i learned - an average of 100 people a year choke on ball point pens. so i guess we better stick with keyboards. . .