Thursday, July 31, 2008

who are you

i am jill. i love my middle name. i want to change my last name. i smoke too many newports. my hair is its natural color with no roots for the first time since i was a freshman in high school and for those of you who don/t want to do the math that/s seventeen years. i am addicted to things that aren/t good for me. i am suddenly living in the past. i watch the clock, and the calendar, too often. my future is full of love, my present full of confusion, and my past full of hurt. i wish i could spend all my time with my puppy. i live by the ocean but i/m afraid of the birds so i never go to the beach. once i slept for fortysix hours straight.
my favorite color is green but not dark green and not lime green. i love that green that/s so soft it/s almost clear. green you can get lost in. green that grabs you by the mind and reels you backwards.
i/m a sucker for freckles or dark hair. i don/t mind washing the dishes but i hate to unload the dishwasher. i don/t keep my bedroom tidy. my closet is huge and still not big enough. my tool box is white and blue, but only half full. i leave wet towels on the floor. i don/t make my bed. my dirty laundry piles in the corner. i make a mean peanut butter pie from a recipe my sister gave me. one year at thanksgiving i drop kicked the frustrating frozen turkey and broke my toe; and the stovetop was still crunchy.
i love to read but never have time to anymore. i write every day. i am not the memory chic. if i don/t love you you don/t get a second chance with me. ever. i/m not easy to please but i/m quick to get pissed. nothing will ever matter as much as vyn. december twentyseventh sucks but january fifth is amazing. i miss sleep.
i sit at a desk and push paper. i hate talking to strangers on the phone. flamingoes and fish hang from the ceiling above my desk. there are no windows. i can/t afford insurance. other people have a worse life than i do.
i miss my old friends. love story still makes me cry. nothing is more important than my family. i hate seafood.
i am jill. who are you?