Thursday, September 25, 2008

my momma is the best momma

today was my momma's b-day. she/s old now. :D

hi momma. i miss you. i can/t wait until it/s your ten days off and time to come see us.
vyni wants to say happy birthday to you too. so here goes:
okay. that/s enough of her. hope you enjoyed your day and your letters from all. i/m glad you/re my momma. i wouldn/t want any other.
happy birthday.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

6 quirky things

thanks q. . .
i/m not entirely sure what constitutes "quirky" so hopefully these pass. . .

1.) i LOVE to sing along to the radio at the top of my lungs. yes, i/ve had a mailman laugh uncontrollably when he pulled up beside me at a red light and i was bellowing out "ants marching" by dmb. the quirky part is, if i don/t know the correct words, i have no qualms to making up my own. ergo, i come up with lyrics like "hush hush. even downtown voices carry" and "beverly hills. that/s where i want to be. beverly hills. rollin' like a silk deputy" and "better give me all your gozners. this patient/s fading fast".

2.) i am a travel brochure junkie. i keep them in a mudd shoebox in my closet, which is now taped together everywhere because it/s so old. every so often, i just get online and order them from every place i/ve ever heard of, whether i have any intention of visiting there or not. most of them, i don/t even read. when we go to bob evan/s, i go through the brochures in the foyer and grab any i don/t already have. i don/t know why. hi, my name is jill and i/m a brochure-aholic.

3.) i am probably the biggest dork most of you know, but it/s so much fun.

4.) i hate people. for the most part, i think we all pretty much suck. i don/t do crowds well. i don/t do wal-mart well. i don/t do parties or clubs. i don/t like people.

5.) i still wear scrunchies. i am not particularly drawn to them, but i/m not particularly put off by them either. i am a big fan of keeping my hair out of my face. and for the most part i will do this with whatever is handy. and yes, sometimes that is a scrunchie. or a rubber. or a pencil. or a clippie. and i/m not really particular about it matching what i/m wearing either. the scrunchie i keep at work for days when my hair looks good in the morning so i think to myself "i/ll leave it down today" and then two hours into work i really just want something to keep it out of my face - that scrunchie is green. and it/s no pale green or even grass green. it/s neon lime. and i wear it often.

6.) i don/t like flavor. the blander the better. when asked my favorite food, i/m quick to say "smothered in cheese" because for the most part cheese is the only "spice" i use. i don/t salt anything. i was on a road trip with my sisters once and we were playing that "would you rather" game, and one of the things in my choice of "would you rather" was to eat something (sorry val, i remember it was mexican food, but not what) and the adjectives "really flavorful" went in front. it lost.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

they/re gone they/re gone THEY/RE GONE WOOHOO

we caught another mouse in box. this time, however, devyn could have caught it. if tracy hadn/t been a helf a step behind vyn as they went into the kitchen, vyni would have caught it. tracy scooped up my puppy, handed her to me, got a box, and put it over the mouse and the mouse didn/t move a muscle. we slid the CAT scan under the box, got the lid (since we had time to think about it this time, we used a much smaller box so it was easier to manuever with a mouse in it), flipped the box over (still NOTHING from the mouse, not a squeak of protest or any sort of attempt to escape), moved the CAT scan and put the lid on the box. of course, we let vyn check out the mouse in the box first, then we got in the car to drive the thing out to the field to let it go.

by the time we got on shoes and got into the car, the little creature had his face pressed to the side of the box. by the time we got down the street to the field, he only had one eye open. when tracy gently poured him out onto the ground he just lay there all flumped.
sad, i know, but happy too. it means the orkin man did his job. that mouse was obviously dying before our eyes. and i do feel bad, but tracy and i agreed. we don/t feel TOO bad. when the mice came in to our house they were declaring war. and we won.
as we watched tv tonight, we kept pausing it just to listen to the absolute nothingness. it was so nice. it had been DAYS since you couldn't hear them scurrying around in the walls or under the oven. and tonight, nothing.
they/re gone. they/re gone. THEY/RE GONE.

Friday, September 19, 2008

be very quiet, we/re hunting mouses

it/s 11:00 last night and i/m outside smoking before bed when i hear tracy gently tapping her fingertips on the sliding door. i turned and she pulled it open, and the conversation went like this:

tracy: there/s a mouse in a box in my bedroom.

me: what?!?!?

tracy: i got a mouse in a box in my bedroom.

me: (as i/m setting down my book and putting out the cigarette): what?!?!?!

tracy: i caught a mouse. it/s in a box. in my bedroom.

me: (as we/re getting to her bedroom and there is indeed a mouse in a box): how?

tracy: what do you mean, how?

me: how did you catch it?

tracy: what do you mean how? i caught it with the box.

me: didn/t it run?

tracy: oh, it ran. i ran faster. (this accompanied by tracy picking up a different box, and running hunchbacked across her room to demostrate how she caught the mouse) what do we do now?

me: how should i know? i/ll call mom.

tracy: it/s late

me: oh well.

phone: ring ring

mom: hello

me: there/s a mouse in a box in tracy/s bedroom

mom: what?!?!?!?

me: there/s a mouse in a box in tracy/s bedroom

mom: tracy caught a mouse?

me: yes, with a box. it/s in her bedroom. what do we do next?

mom: what kind of box?

me: it/s a clear tupperware box. we need something stiff. hold on, i think i have a folder in my room.

tracy: my CAT scans!!! of my guts!!!

me: oh yeh, those will work.

carpet (getting CAT scans slid over it)/box (getting CAT scans slid under it): shuffle shuffle shuffle.

mouse (as CAT scans invade floorspace): squeak squeak squeak squeak

me: now what?

mom and tracy: now you/we have to get it turned over

tracy (spying her pink kitchen trash can she uses as a dirty clothes hamper): this is deep, it can/t climb out of this.

me (to mom): can a mouse climb a smooth plastic surface?

trash can/laundry hamper getting smashed down on top of clear tupperware box: qqqrrrish

me: uh oh. now we can/t get it up

tracy: uh oh, why did i do that? now we can/t get it up.

mom: can it go in your car?

me: we/ve got it mom. i/ll talk to you tomorrow.

tracy: let/s just drag it outside and let it go.

me: okay.

so, at midnight last night, i held the CAT scans and tracy held the trash can/laundry basket down, and we scooted it out her bedroom, past the kitchen, through the family room, out the front door, down the back sidewalk, then bravely (OH SO BRAVELY) picked the trashcan/laundry basket-clear tupperware box-CAT scan-mouse entourage up and carried it out as far towards the water as we felt comfortable going (neither of us wanted to be alligator midnight snack to save a stupid mouse) and let it go.

we/re just ignoring the fact that we know the entire grounds around our apartment got baited by the orkin man yesterday, and pretending the mouse lived happily ever after.

hmmmm / mmmm

hmmmm . . . puzzle

mmmm . . . puzzle

Monday, September 15, 2008

t-shirt wisdom

choose your sick days wisely

i get enough exercise pushing my luck

babette ate oatmeal

where are we going??? why am i in this handbasket???

i married mr. right. i just didn/t know his first name was always.

in dog years i/m dead.

fat people are hard to kidnap

333 - only half evil

i/m ashamed of what i did for a klondike bar.

i/d tell you to go to hell but i work there and i don/t want to see you every day.

i didn/t lose my mind, i sold it on ebay.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

happy birthday dear evan

today is my nephew evan/s birthday. he turned 22. . .er i mean 4. tracy and i got him a razor scooter. he really really really really really wanted a skateboard for christmas. . . until he got it and promptly fell off and smashed not only his head but his butt too. then he wasn/t so hot on the skateboard. so we figured the scooter would be a good in-between. he loved it.

Oh - and we got him a bag of peanut butter m&m/s too. :D

Monday, September 8, 2008

hey, wait a minute

You Are Cinderella!
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Dignified and hard working. With a gentle and soft-spoken manner you have something many people don't. Patience. Even through the moments of heartbreak you're still able to hold onto all of your hopes and dreams. Bide your time; your dream will come true.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

i am so NOT cinderella. didn/t she, like, clean the whole castle, wash the dishes, mop the floors, cook the meals, do her sister/s hair, sew the clothes, etc etc. that sounds to me a lot more like my baby sister (the one with 4 kids, a husband, and a dog) than it does like me. but i filled this out first with the best answers, then again with the second best answers, then again with the third, and they all ended up being cinderella. not to mention i don/t think anyone who knows me, except maybe my doctor, would use the word 'patient' to describe me. stupid disney princess quiz.

Friday, September 5, 2008

my kitchen is enemy territory after dark

we have a mouse. a big fat rat-sized mouse. i hate mice. i hate them.
so, we had a mouse last march also. he was eating away at the bottom of our pantry door. he didn/t get into any food, but we would wake up in the morning and there would be gnawed off shreds of pantry door on the floor. so we called maintenance and they came and set up a 'snappy' trap and two mornings later when we got up there was a big bloody mousey mess in the kitchen. problem solved, right??? wrong!!!
a couple months later we once again found mouse poo in our 'stinky little room' (a.k.a. the laundry room. my 8 year old niece dubbed it the stinky little room one night when she was over and the name unfortunately fits because it/s where the trash can full of dirty diapers is). we called maintenance and this time they put poison out in the wall and around the outside of the building. the poo stopped showing up so we figured all was good. problem solved, right??? wrong!!!
we went to tallahassee a couple weeks ago and when we got home voila!! more poo. this time, the poo was out in the kitchen. i told tracy we had another mouse and we figured we'd call maintenance again. however, that night as i was laying in bed i wondered if maybe it could have been frog poo. i had brought our potted plants in from our lanai when ts fay was supposed to hit us, and i saw at least one frog jump off the plants and into our garbage disposal (stupid frog). so over the next several days, we went back and forth on whether it was frog or mouse leaving us little presents.
we went to val/s house last weekend because my parents are here. i was out in the garage smoking and found some poo there that was about the same size as what was getting left in our kitchen. so i called my mom out. she said yep, it looked like frog poo to her. so yay!!! frog.
there was no food (or pantry doors) getting laid into, no shredded cereal boxes or holes in vyni's banana puffs. it had been almost two weeks since the poo started to appear. i did wonder what a frog would be eating for two weeks in our apartment to leave so much poo, but we do have some bugs. so we figured. . .
wednesday night i looked behind the dryer for poo and there was none. tracy and i had finally decided that it was definitely frog and that eventually it would run out of food and shrivel up and die. i had a load of laundry in the dryer, and tracy had one in the washer that she needed dried for work the next day. i put a laundry basket in there so she could just throw my load into it when she was ready to put hers into the dryer and i went off to bed.
so thursday morning, i needed to get vyn a pair of shorts from that laundry in the stinky little room. tracy was at the kitchen counter packing her lunch or something. i scrunched by her, opened the door to the stinky little room, flipped on the light, leaned over and picked up the laundry basket and MOUSE THE SIZE OF TEXAS goes running in crazy circles. (looking back, i think when i turned the light on the little rodent probably thought he was hiding behind the basket. so when i picked it up he was just out in the middle of no-man/s land)
okay, so as i said my parents are here. my mom stays at val/s when they come, but my dad stays with us. so he/s asleep on the couch. well, here's mouse running in crazy circles and i start screaming. i am, however, aware that my dad is asleep on the couch, so i/m trying to scream quietly. i was not successful. my mind said to scream quietly, but what got transmitted to my mouth was to scream low. so instead of a high pitched "eek" it was more like a bellowed "uhhh" over and over and over. i try to run to the family room so i could jump up on the furniture and get away from the critter, but tracy was in the path. when i started to bellow, she started to run (she later told me her thought was that maybe there was an aligator in our laundry) but she was not moving NEAR fast enough to placate me. i was just envisioning the monster mouse coming and biting at my heels. so i/m high-stepping it - literally- to keep my feet off the ground as much as possible so the mouse can/t get them while i/m half an inch behind tracy and wishing she would just put it into a higher gear and GO, and bellowing 'uhhh' 'uhhh' uhhh' over and over.
needless to say, my dad woke up. my baby in her bed in our room woke up. the mouse got away. the maintenance man was called and brought glue traps this time. and my sister and dad made fun of me all night last night and have warned me i will not live this down for a long long time.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

i need my hair did

my babygirl/s hair is getting longer. every weekend (the only time i get to do her hair) it seems like it/s longer than it was last weekend. well, at least on top in the front. the back doesn/t seem to be growing at all, but that/s a different story.
so i/m trying to come up with cute ways to do it. i love it when i put the five little ponytails across the front of her face. i tied the sash from her dress in her hair like an 80/s headband one day. teeheehee. and she/s totally 80/s with her flock-of-seagulls hairdo (it started as ponies then she ate the rubberbands). i need some new ideas. . .

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


i hate being poor. i can/t wait until someday i can make enough money to pay all my bills and still have something left over, until i/m no longer living paycheck to paycheck, until i can buy a house and furnish it and pay the taxes and insurance and upkeep, until i can travel the land in my flashy rv and travel the water in my yacht i named 'cornerbender'.
i hate my 'new' job. i liked it so much better before it changed. i miss my old boss, and the fact that she has of yet not been replaced makes the day-to-day work at my work a pain. there is no communication between departments since the change-over (except to complain about the higher-ups when we're all out on break at the same time) and no one - including the stand-in for ALL the missing bosses - knows who is supposed to be doing what or by when or reporting to who.
i hate that i/m still smoking. but i've quit quitting. at least for now. i don't know anything else i would keep attempting after 32 failures. i/m sure at some point i/ll return to quitting, but for now i/ve quit quitting even though i don/t even like smoking and everything stinks and it/s so expensive.

i love my babygirl. she is still the bestest best of all bestest bests. her smile lights my world. her kisses soak my face and warm my heart. i love doing her hair. i love how big she/s getting and that she helps put her pants on and washes her own hands and dries her face (but not her hands) and climbs up into her high chair and fastens her own seatbelt and closes the doors even from the outside now and how everyone in my family calls her something different but she knows that all of them are her and how she/s getting big enough to hit when she throws her fits. i love snuggling up beside her on the couch at night and letting her fall asleep on my chest and tucking her in at night and how she knows she gets two goodnight kisses and puckers for me twice (one from mommy and one through mommy from daddy).
i love how close december 12th is getting. we are now down to double digits and the paper chain in my bedroom is now confined to just the corner in front of the bathroom. it/s hard for me to believe that at one point it dominated the decorating of my room and engulfed the whole ceiling. the homecoming is closer every day and ever hour.
i love living with my sister. i love having my other sister close. i love that we (mostly) get along, how we look out for one another and are friends and even if i don/t go to the movies with the two of them as often as they go (see #1 i hate above) it/s nice to know that i could if i wanted. i love that my daughter doesn/t have to go to daycare while i work because my family is here. i love making fun of the stupid tv shows we're addicted to together, and becoming addicted to new shows together, and just being there for each other.