hate/love

i hate being poor. i can/t wait until someday i can make enough money to pay all my bills and still have something left over, until i/m no longer living paycheck to paycheck, until i can buy a house and furnish it and pay the taxes and insurance and upkeep, until i can travel the land in my flashy rv and travel the water in my yacht i named 'cornerbender'.
i hate my 'new' job. i liked it so much better before it changed. i miss my old boss, and the fact that she has of yet not been replaced makes the day-to-day work at my work a pain. there is no communication between departments since the change-over (except to complain about the higher-ups when we're all out on break at the same time) and no one - including the stand-in for ALL the missing bosses - knows who is supposed to be doing what or by when or reporting to who.
i hate that i/m still smoking. but i've quit quitting. at least for now. i don't know anything else i would keep attempting after 32 failures. i/m sure at some point i/ll return to quitting, but for now i/ve quit quitting even though i don/t even like smoking and everything stinks and it/s so expensive.


i love my babygirl. she is still the bestest best of all bestest bests. her smile lights my world. her kisses soak my face and warm my heart. i love doing her hair. i love how big she/s getting and that she helps put her pants on and washes her own hands and dries her face (but not her hands) and climbs up into her high chair and fastens her own seatbelt and closes the doors even from the outside now and how everyone in my family calls her something different but she knows that all of them are her and how she/s getting big enough to hit when she throws her fits. i love snuggling up beside her on the couch at night and letting her fall asleep on my chest and tucking her in at night and how she knows she gets two goodnight kisses and puckers for me twice (one from mommy and one through mommy from daddy).
i love how close december 12th is getting. we are now down to double digits and the paper chain in my bedroom is now confined to just the corner in front of the bathroom. it/s hard for me to believe that at one point it dominated the decorating of my room and engulfed the whole ceiling. the homecoming is closer every day and ever hour.
i love living with my sister. i love having my other sister close. i love that we (mostly) get along, how we look out for one another and are friends and even if i don/t go to the movies with the two of them as often as they go (see #1 i hate above) it/s nice to know that i could if i wanted. i love that my daughter doesn/t have to go to daycare while i work because my family is here. i love making fun of the stupid tv shows we're addicted to together, and becoming addicted to new shows together, and just being there for each other.